The way cats and dogs age is so funny. Dogs hit the age of 8 and immediately Grey all over their face meanwhile cats are like. What's up I'm 95 years old, I don't have a Grey hair on me and I'm skinnier than ever
i think the best thing about gen z is their dedication to self care and by this i mean when john mulaney performed at a college and he took a sip of water the crowd would start applauding and someone yelled at him “hydrate before you die-drate” therefor confusing an already confused man even more
this series of tweets is seriously killing me i cant see through my tears
So I posted these two images that I made in a post together just shy of a year ago, and the post got 10,000+ notes. Today I saw a meme with a text convo of someone sending one of them to a military recruiter (which is extremely funny) and I thought “oh I should find that post again”
but when I went to find it, it had completely vanished. not just the original post, but even reblogs of it. I couldn’t even find screenshots anyone had taken of the original post. it wasn’t brought to my attention as a reported post, tumblr never even contacted me about deleting it, it just… disappeared
really gets the noggin joggin
so that’s the line huh tumblr. that old post just went too far and you had to poof it.
Reblog to remember the post before it gets deleted again
My friend asked how I learned to cook and the answer is I didn't. I know like 5 things about cooking and they are:
- Always use more garlic than the recipe calls for
- "Ehhh fuck it close enough" is a great measurement tool
- Find like 5 recipes that you like, adjust them how you like them, make them until you hate them
- Clean as you go
- If a recipe is from a mommy blog, you will need more spices
If anyone wants to add, please do
None of these are wrong.
someone knocked on my door and they were wearing a red hat. i didnt answer cuz i was scared it was donald trump
what if it was mario you utter fool
Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.
“You literally adopted the antichrist, Anne. What the fuck.”
“Yeah, I knew when I saw him at the orphanage. I figured if the kid had some decent fucking parenting that we could avoid the whole ‘Revelations’ shite. Nasty business, that.”
George, who’s name has been kindly changed from Damien, approaches his new mother with a huge spider in his hands. It promptly bursts into flames.
“Good job, love. Now go find the rest.” George’s face makes no expression, but his eyes shine when he recieves a pat on the head for his efforts.
As the months go by, George seems to settle down. He adjusts to school, friends, and the positive reinforcement Anne gives him. She encourages the good he does, even though the powers he uses aren’t “good”. When she gets calls from the school, it’s about a rambunctious boy that won’t sit still. Not a destroyer of the world and innocence.
It’s at Christmas dinner, that you let slip your amazement to your mother. How good Anne is for him and how he’s improved a lot. Still summoning hellhounds for games of fetch, though.
“Oh, he’ll forget how to do that when he falls in love the first time,” Your mother laughs, smiling wide.
“How do you know that,” you ask bewildered.
“Because, you did.”
okay so someone please write the story of the family of super-low-key holy warriors who have made it their mission to locate the antichrist in every generation (because when one gets spoiled they try AGAIN) and adopt them and love them into not being the antichrist anymore, thus perpetually delaying the apocalypse
delaying the apocalypse via good parenting I love this
I would love to read this
